Bunny's Realizations and Lessons Learned from 2011:
Owning and operating a website blog about bullshit and immature, yet humorously entertaining, antics is cool as shit. However, managing a consistently high level of service quality and maintaining your super secret identities are difficult tasks, especially when you go around revealing yourself for who you really are in an extreme act of drunken showmanship and bravado. ThingsThatAreDelco: Can I Get A Witness, Can I Get A Hell Yea?!?!
Constructing your own personalized tiki bar equipped only with your old man’s power tools, a few Natty Smooths, and your jack-of-all-trades-type street smarts alongside your buddy is a pretty goddamn manly and aggressively original thing to do. Watching that same bar withstand the forces of Sea Isle City and overwhelming day loads and benders for an entire summer is even more manly and aggressively original. Knowing that your right-hand man showed some broad a good time behind it on a warm summer evening in August is the most manly and aggressively original. Personal thanks to the Dead Dog Saloon—you taught us everything we know. Rancho Relaxo: Better Than Your Bar.
Time and time again Rock n’ Roll music has continued to prove to be the coolest thing to happen to the modern world. As always and this, of course, should go without say, 50 Cent sucks and fuck you, Lil’ Wayne.
Peeing your pants will never be constrained to toddlers.
Sometimes, if you’re having a shitty day and the breaks are really getting you down, nothing can pick you back up like a welcoming handjob. Girls, don’t stray from your roots.
There is no conceivable reason for anyone to ever miss the Polar Bear Plunge before they hit the age of senior citizenry.
99% of the world (estimated rate—rounded up, of course) now has a smart phone, however, the extreme majority of cell phone usage saw a change over this calendar year: sending and receiving pictures of yourself or your friends sitting on the john now occupies nearly 75% of all cell phone activity.
Work sucks and if you disagree, you’re lying. Cut the act, big guy—you’re not fooling anyone.
Is there anything better than walking into your local neighborhood dive, posting up next to an old guy, ordering whiskeys and Coors Originals, and talking filth on Philadelphia sports teams? No. The answer is no.
On that note, all the money and free season acquisitions in the world does not guarantee a professional football team any kind of moxy, heart, or machismo. Philadelphia Eagles—2 words for ya.
A few spillovers from years’ past—watching your buddies throw all types of moves on girls is funnier than most recent television sit-coms, and, while they may provide a false sense of shelter and comfort, your parents do not want you and your horseshit lifestyle living under their roof.
And, finally, and this should be remembered for years to come:
“Life’s not about good choices. Only good stories and style points.”
What will 2012 bring?
- Bunny