Delco Bar of the Week:
The Frontier Saloon
The first time I walked into the Frontier after I turned 21, I noticed the same thing that everyone notices the first time they walk in there: Naked Pocahontas. Because what do you do to make your Delco dive bar stand out from other Delco dive bars? You paint a huge portrait of Naked Pocahontas right in the middle of the place. Offensive and erotic. My kind of art. As with any Delco Dive, the first time you walk into the Frontier you’re not sure if the bartender will serve you or pull out his secret shotgun and blow you away. (Editor’s note: It’s common knowledge that every bar in Delco comes with a secret shotgun duct taped and loaded underneath the bar.) When you find yourself in one of these situations you must look the bartender straight in his crooked eye and say the following phrase because it may save your life: “Give me two Budweisers (hold up two fingers) and two shots of Jack Daniels.” I did just that and the dirty looks I was getting disappeared. When I brought the order back to the table where a lady friend and I were sitting, she replied with, “Ugh. Bud and Jack? Why did you order…” I slapped her in the mouth (nobody paid much attention) and said, “Bitch, do you want to die? Just do what I say and drink the Bud and Jack as fast as you can and then go over to the juke box and play some Molly Hatchet!!”
After getting in the good graces of the patrons and the staff, I played a little shuffleboard bowling (they have a great table) and sang a little Allman Bros. on the open mike (they have great karaoke on Friday nights). I also decided to test their prices and ordered something I knew was not a normal drink at the Frontier: Two Jager-Bombs. The bartender slid the drinks over to me, looked up and the ceiling a bit confused, ashed his cig on the floor and said, “Four dollars?” I agreed that that seemed fair and gave the man his money.
The Frontier Saloon is a great place to be American. They don’t try to kill your wallet. I hear they have some pretty decent bar food. Their draft beers are typically $1.50 during the week or $2 on the weekend and ice cold. Their new high def TVs make it a great spot to watch a game. They do have trivia on Thursdays. They have beer pong on Saturdays. They also have a great carry-out selection. And after getting a full-stock from Naked Pocahontas, the bathroom won’t disgust you when you use a stall to rub one out.
The Frontier Saloon: See you after work.