Bunny's Review
Marv Gets Electrocuted
As a young boy, I often sat in front of my television, clutching the VHS cover of this fun-filled gem and rewound my favorite parts over and over and over again. And it’s not hard to believe that I must have watched Kevin, played remarkably Macaulay Caulkin, fire a BB gun straight at one of his enemy’s beanbag, causing him to keel over in agony, uttering profanities under his breath and ordering his incompetent lackey to avenge misfortune, several thousand times. Of course, Kevin has loaded the gun once more and fires a pellet right at the other bad guy’s dome. What a dead eye.
I really didn’t think that anything could be funnier than seeing a grown man take a blast right in the pebbles—and still, to this day, find the task difficult, as well—even if it was jazzed up by cinematic greatness, because I’ve always been one to blindly believe in anything and everything Hollywood sends my way. But that was until I got my hands on the follow-up—1992’s Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.
Bunny’s note: Marv is one of the greatest characters ever conceived. He’s probably rivaled only by Marion Cobretti in 1986’s action thriller Cobra, or Ernie “Big Ern” McCracken in 1996’s slapstick comedy Kingpin.
After a shelf of nearly full paint cans falls on Marv, I thought to myself “this bastard’s had enough.” Boy, was I wrong. Now, please—watch the below scene.
- There is enough electric current in a 9 volt car battery to kill a human being if the conditions are met and 50 amps cross your heart. Kevin has this bastard hooked up to something much, much bigger than a car battery.
- Marv is covered in an array of paint and most assuredly has a severe concussion.
- Marv is Jewish
- Marv is screaming at a level just under what is only audible by canines.
- Marv shakes as intensely and manically as Kerry Collins after a night out on the town while battling the alcoholic tremors and the good chance that he’s contracted a sexually transmitted disease from one of the Asian hookers that he was with.
- The electrocution is so powerful and so intense that it quite literally turns human Marv into skeleton Marv for a brief moment.
- Skeleton Marv still has a Jew ‘fro and a beard. He continues screaming at a hilariously high-pitched tone.
- Sparks are flying like Penn’s Landing at the 4th of July.
- And finally, Kevin turns the charge off, causing skeleton Marv to revert to human Marv once again and practically leaving him for dead.
Because you’re clearly a faggot.
--Bunny Stardust