Gettin' Naked
I’m not prone to it, but in nearly unconscious states, I’ve resorted to it just before I climb into bed. The reason? I couldn’t begin to explain. Others do it in a heavy blackout, walking out into the middle of a party or late night dance off, causing even the most veteran partygoers to shield their eyes after a quick burst of laughter. Then they fall over into the fetal position on the couch. The most brave just undress, grab their air guitar and go wild to ‘She’s the One’ by Bruce Springsteen. The more cautious grab a baseball glove, a grenade whistle, fanny pack, or foam shaving cream to hide whatever they can.
If you haven’t picked up on it yet, you probably haven’t had enough encounters with it. I, for one, have had enough encounters with it in one summer to last me, well, at least a whole summer. It’s called gettin naked. Everybody (especially our loyal readers) has dealt with it at some point. You walk out in the morning and there’s a hairy, white ass sitting in the air staring you right in the eyes. Or you turn around at a party and there’s the kid you thought you just put to bed wandering out, a hand covering his junk, a blacked-out smile that just screams, “I only half realize how ridiculous this is.”
You might walk out of your bedroom to find three grown men sitting in your living room with Twisted Teas, naked, with baseball gloves covering their junk and big smiles on their faces. Then, the girl walks out of your bedroom looks at you taking pictures of your naked friends and immediately leaves. She sucked anyway. Or you see a cell-phone picture being passed around your favorite bar, combined with several hearty laughs, only to realize it’s your balls tucked between your thighs while you innocently slept in your own bed. Smart phones…
Whatever the situation and whatever the reason for donning the birthday suit, it always provides for a good story and some damn good laughs. Whether it’s a picture of a little penis sticking out from the bottom of a fanny pack or a walk into a nude male naked on the couch next door, you have no choice but to look and laugh. Why people choose to get naked may always be a mystery, lost in the deep canyons of past black-outs. One thing is for sure: it won’t stop happening. Whether you join the party, well, that’s up to you.
-Uncle Boner
If you haven’t picked up on it yet, you probably haven’t had enough encounters with it. I, for one, have had enough encounters with it in one summer to last me, well, at least a whole summer. It’s called gettin naked. Everybody (especially our loyal readers) has dealt with it at some point. You walk out in the morning and there’s a hairy, white ass sitting in the air staring you right in the eyes. Or you turn around at a party and there’s the kid you thought you just put to bed wandering out, a hand covering his junk, a blacked-out smile that just screams, “I only half realize how ridiculous this is.”
You might walk out of your bedroom to find three grown men sitting in your living room with Twisted Teas, naked, with baseball gloves covering their junk and big smiles on their faces. Then, the girl walks out of your bedroom looks at you taking pictures of your naked friends and immediately leaves. She sucked anyway. Or you see a cell-phone picture being passed around your favorite bar, combined with several hearty laughs, only to realize it’s your balls tucked between your thighs while you innocently slept in your own bed. Smart phones…
Whatever the situation and whatever the reason for donning the birthday suit, it always provides for a good story and some damn good laughs. Whether it’s a picture of a little penis sticking out from the bottom of a fanny pack or a walk into a nude male naked on the couch next door, you have no choice but to look and laugh. Why people choose to get naked may always be a mystery, lost in the deep canyons of past black-outs. One thing is for sure: it won’t stop happening. Whether you join the party, well, that’s up to you.
-Uncle Boner