Delco Carl
A Profile Piece
Our featured character is Delco Carl. Any avid reader of the site knows him well. Simply put, his claim to fame is that he comments on articles; both those with which he agrees, and those with which is does not. He hasn’t penned a full article for himself, so his contributions are limited to anything from simple, meaningless quips to large, run-on paragraphs of grammatically incorrect propaganda. But don’t be so quick to judge. Carl has had a rough go of things throughout his life, which could certainly explain his extreme inadequacies. Read on and you’ll understand.
Grade school years came and Carl was ostracized from the popular crowd due to a terrible case of acne. He was stricken to the loser part of the playground and forced to read Nancy Drew mystery novels to pass his time. Years passed and it was much of the same. Until his doctor prescribed him to a new acne medicine and in a short 6 months, he was clean and clear, and under control. He was ready to face the world for the first time, both polio- and acne-free. Another feat for our young pal, Carl.
This new found confidence came with increased attention and even popularity. But this was matched with consequences—negative consequences, as is all too common—and he soon found himself deep in the grips of high school drug addiction. Carl was downward spiraling into a full blown cocaine and methamphetamine habit, spending an estimated $500 a week, half of which he obtained by venturing into the inner city and offering HJs for 5 bones. It was a lucrative business, but Carl did not know the first thing about a savings account. This was Carl’s high school life, and just when it seemed as though it was going to get worse—he applied for a job at Show & Tell—his family and friends gave him an intervention, which was aired for A&E’s hit documentary. I’m proud to say that after extensive rehabilitation and overall will, Carl made it out alive.
Carl graduated high school with a whopping 1.9 GPA, earning him a front seat at the prestigious Delaware County Community College, where he excelled in his studies and worked for a future career in the janitorial business. The rest is history.
Now independent and having cast away his demons from the past, Carl chooses to spend his free time surfing the worldwide web and voicing his raged and yes, once again, grammatically incorrect opinion on blogs and articles, particularly on this very website. Interestingly enough, he views this site as the proper forum for discriminatory and oftentimes offensive argument—something that we at TTAD have not, do not, and will never stand for. That said, it’s a joke that people like Carl get so juiced up and offended by the material on this website because, as we’ve said all along, this site is 100% horse shit and in no way does it reflect any kind of legitimate or professional thought. You’re barking up the wrong tree here, Carl. Go rant and rave on CNN.com if you really want to change the world.
To conclude, our good friend Delco Carl, and I can speak for the entire ensemble at TTAD, has provided us with hours of laughs and ridicule through his use of the written word. So, on behalf of us all, we’d like to thank you. You’re contributions are part of what fuels this fire. Don’t ever change, you son of a gun.
--Bunny Stardust