Dual Threats Brewing In DELCO
These new horrors are not only present now, they're local as well.
-Dr. Funkenstein
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Dual Threats Brewing In DELCOLike we don't already have enough to be afraid of. A few weeks ago I posted about the apocalyptical rise of both robots and monkeys. These two threats to humanity are very real, but slightly further into the future than these next two... These new horrors are not only present now, they're local as well. Mother. Fucking. Ghosts. The Delaware County Paranormal Investigators have been at the forefront of ghost hunting for years now, and nobody seems to care. They've been the laughing stock of DELCO since their inauguration, but now look whose laughing. This is as much proof as I need to say that ghosts are not only real, but they want us all dead. Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, and Ernie Hudson wont be around to bust these ghosts for us. So who you gonna call? And as if ghosts aren't enough to crumble our civilization, we got these ass holes to deal with as well. This may look like one, pathetic, slightly retarded Asian kid playing with weapons and doing fake bench presses, but he represents so much more. How many Asian kids get their asses kicked every day at Upper Darby High School? 27. Yes, an average of 27 zips every day get pummeled into submission. Thats 189 a week, 9,828 a year. Each and every one of them goes home after their beating and starts ninja training. They are building an underground coalition of ninjas trained in ancient martial arts and deadly weaponry. I can only imagine Lucas in the video above is sending out a warning to us all: Watch the fuck out, the ninja revolution is coming!
-Dr. Funkenstein
4 Comments
Mathlete
5/18/2011 03:49:04 am
So Upper Darby has school 7 days a week, 365 days a year? Interesting Dr. Dumbfunk.
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Funk
5/18/2011 10:59:23 am
You really got me good, buddy. If you think I'm going to waste my time subtracting 90 days for the summer months, 104 days for the weekends, a week for spring break, all the holidays, and countless other bull shit days public schools give off then you best just go kick rocks. There are way too many beers to be drank and good porn to watch for me to worry about such minute details.
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Mathlete
5/19/2011 02:43:17 am
summer is 3 months times 4 weeks each month. 52-12 = 40. conservatively 36 weeks of school, times 5 days per week gives you 180 days, conservatively, times 27 gives us 4860. Took about a minute, prob shorter than it took you to make up those outlandish stats.
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Funk
5/19/2011 12:51:50 pm
you must be one of the ninjas...
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